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A NEW GENRE OF WRITING

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  • ok so ...i had told you about kyron and the mischief he had caused in Remi's life , and boy was there alot more that he had done to her between when i had last informed you and now! ... she practically doesnt speak to him now... they are enemies and that is not exactly a badthing because  she always says...
AS ONE DOOR CLOSES... ANOTHER ONE OPENS.....

there was another guy on the scene.. called michael and he was charming and rather sexy. mixed race with ginger hair .. and a winning smile...she started going out with him and the more she literally went out with him the more she begin to see the world through a new set of eyes. .. they werent like the guys she was used to .. maybe it was becuase he was older than her.. by a few yers so he was more experienced with life.. and boi was he.. whereas she was used to stupid boys her age who thought they were hard and gangster BUT  actually werent !!!

Michael , hadn't had the best upbringing (which is rather an understatement to be honest), his mother decided that it would be a superb idea to have him in JAIL and he grew up in his home country of Barbados. His dad was never particulary on the scene until bery recently so when he moved back to England he was with his nan and grandad.

At first he would take her out and tell her she was beautiful, tell her that she was the only thing that mattered and they used to have little adventures in the rain  , yes it is was extremely cliche but they didnt care . They were happy !

He took her to the cinema and they used to watch films that they knew they were never like just so they could sit at the back in the corner and make out. His pink lips used to hyponotise her to the point where he was deemed irresistable.

and as everyone always says ..."good things always come to an end"  and it did. Unfortunately her dad died fighting in the riots and it broke her heart and little did she know that it broke his aswell. She was unable to pay him the attention that she had for him before and he never once used to get angry at her and irritable or annoyed. It simply came down to an msn conversation where he said

"look i dont think that its me that you need right now"

and surprinsingly it never really broke her down because her mind was pre-occupied with other more important issues that were arousing in her life , like the discovery of a new brother. (thats another ball game altogether).

So they were seperated... A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life ... it was like romeo and juliet ... they simply didnt know it yet! ...


Boy was i feeling good.


 

PROLOGUE.

In the time that it took for me to re-evaluate my options, he had already packed up his belongings ,disregarded all that he said and felt and was on the next train leaving the country and i was NOT ok with that.

 There was an under current of bereavement that i will always feel. But its a new age ,a new era, a new start for me... and... i'm feeling good.

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel..

And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me....

AND BOY WAS I FEELING GOOD!

I sat, flicking through the bible for 'comfort' needless to say: it didnt work.
i spent the night out ,had one night stands with men i couldnt remember the name of: that did NOT work

so as i sat down in starbucks on july 13th 2007 and it was then that i came to the conclusion that took me on the most adventurous voyage of my life..
revenge was eminent.. ohhhh yeah .. it was .. for him.


CHAPTER ONE

I sat at my desk, where i felt my most powerful and being an established  columnist i had the rare ability to be extremely hardcore with my computer keyboard. i disguised my name by changing my email address and even if i didnt the stupid bastard probably wouldnt notice and different.

I started to compose my first deadly message, i was actually beginning to find myself rather funny and there was no doubt in whether i could pull this off or not for even if i got caught my possible allibis are infinate.

" hello you!!, you wont know who this is but you will find out in due time. I happen to know alot about you that you dont know i know . Just to inform you now it is very much in your best interests to keep reading or you may find your precious daughter in a spot of bother. If you choose not to take my message seriously than you might even find yourself in a bit of a sticky situation- but now that we both understand each other i'll continue- we are very much the same type of person. we both are strong believers in fairness and in justice. So i ask you, if you saw a man about to cross the road when a bus was coming and you go to pull him back but you slip and push him into the road... does that make you a murderer?? if he dies . most people would either say yes it does- you pushed him . But others say no- you had the right intentions. Welll people like us dont think like this...we think the same thing. The fact that he died or not is IRRELEVANT .. the fact that you were trying to help or not is IRRELEVANT.. the truth of the matter is that the stupid bastard gets everything that he deserves for not looking where he is fucking going. whether you are guilty or not really doesnt matter , for if he was looking where he was going you would not have noticed him in the first place. I KNOW you think this cimon .. I KNOW you do .. because i was watching you talk about it in your lecture... three days ago .. to your students that you teach in cambridge university. It was that very lecture that got you fired, was it not ? .. I must admit that was where my research fell , i did not hear the EXACT reason for your lease but it does not take a genius to work out why does it cimon.

We are the same-dont ever forget it, and whether you like it or not we are on a team now . and you work for me and for me ONLY.

OH yes and Cimon, any relaying of this information to even your mother will result in a very gruesome end for you all. I strongly urge you to keep quiet. You will hear from me very soon - signed 0/0"


I did it. It was not hard and because i know him better than he knows his own lowly little pathetic minute life i could tell that when he reads it he will shit his boxers. My plan was yet to be made , but my first move had to make a statement. i had to be bold and it had to be big. But i also had to move very carefully, i knew that i wanted to show him that actions have consequences and that you should pick your victims very carefully because you wil never know what they are capable of. For a while i actually began to feel sorry for the bastard- SURPRISINGLY. Anyway,  he was an executive sales manager and he would arrive back at his flat in about two hours. So all i had to do was just wait , wait for a reply.AND if that reply doesnt come within the next 24 hours than i will have to make my first move quicker than i had hoped. For as long as he co operates HE will be the only person to get hurt.

I dont like victimising people, no not really. But when a man comes along and sweeps you off your feet he will  take you away to cloud nine and then DROP YOU FROM THE SKY. you find yourself falling at a very very very fast speed and you will land  hard on your back and you find yourself very much so back on earth. I am not doing this because i have nothing better to do ,or that i am a bitter an twisted ol' bitch. I am doing this for a purpose. I'll elaborate...

When womens hearts are broken or a man lets them down :they fall. The grief that they feel varies in time ; some for months and some only a few days. But i found that some women NEVER hit the ground, they just fall very slowly OR try to pro-long their time by trying to find someone esle quicker but when women DO hit the ground VERY VERY hard its when they have made a conscience decision on their next move, THIS MAY NOT BE A VERY TACTFUL MOVE .Nevertheless they are moving on.

SO when i hit earth i realised that while i was falling and falling he was still jumping from cloud to cloud without a care in the world and the only way to get him to FEEL what i felt.. is not to try and get back up onto the clouds... OH NO... but to PULL them violently and aggresively back down to earth.

This is what i planned on doing, and i wasnt going to do this so that he will get up and do the same thing to the next women thats comes along. I am going to erase him completely from the equation.





 

THE WAY FORWARD!!!


This one is for the ladies that are forever wondering wat it actually is that they are doing wrong and why their relationships fall apart even tho they are doing their very best... well let me share my rant and rave

Firstly you more than likely did nothing wrong...... i feel lyk i hav the authority to say this as this very occurence happened to me two days ago and i found myself in a heap on my bedroom floor...crying. might i add... AND IN FACT,as i thought more about the situation that i was in ..i began to seeth wif rage : it popped into my head " WAIT a fukin minute ..what am i apologising for doin".. in the the next half an hour i couldnt acutally summarise a decent paragraph or 5 bullet points worth of reasons for an apology.

The next day came, and the anger grew over me again. I drew the conclusion that i have more of a reason to be angry then said person does.

Secondly , DONT TRY AND PROVIDE EXCUSES, that night i provided MANY excuses for him calling myself all kinds of horrific names!. dont waste your time doing this like i did. I do actually understand that u really still want to be with said person and that u are willing to do wt it takes. i also understand the feeling of " if i get angry it might backfire!".. becuase this also wavered across my train of thought and once again i sat for half an hour thinking. if said person makes NO effort than they OBVIOUSLY dont care, and i WOULD NOT advise the hasty approach and break up with said person, because this stands a chance of a backfire (an extremely explosive backfire) .. simply wait .. in this whole "game" waiting is the best thing you can do.. and all this fukin bullshit  about break up wf him first so u can say u did it.. is the fattest load of frogs bullocks i have ever heard... LET HIM BREAK UP WIF YOU and then at least you can say.... i havent done anything wrong.... he was a prick for breaking up wif me for NO REASON lol .. let him have the "upper hand" if it means you have the moral high ground !!

THIRDLY ..it will do you well to have a good memory in these harsh times of trials and tribulation , throughout the many heartaches that u will go through in life this skill of rememberance will act as a shield to any oncoming obstacles and hypocritical statements that may come your way... for example; ,, i recall that half of the information i heard about MY OWN LIFE came from other various sources all of which stemed frm his " closest"  pals ....

1) REMEMBER THOSE THAT TELL YOU INFORMATION so that wen it comes to naming names you can sing lyk a canary


also ..remember specific times or dates if you prefer, wen ur nearest and dearest has shown floors in his character and faults,, thus protecting you from any that he may try and collect against you to substaniate his reason for the break up! DO NOT start using these against him at first ..onli use these if you feel lyk u hav to defend yourself and if u can see he is doing a shit job of makin up an excuse .. come back twice as hard and darlin ... your still in the right !

2) REMEMBER HOLES IN STORIES AND THINGS THAT DO NOT ADD UP , this will help you wif quick and sharp comebacks wen he decides to turn nasty (THIS TIME MAY NEVER COME ) bt the best defence is a great offence!!

If this time does never come, and sed person does actually mean wat he said and hes feelings are actaully genuine then TALK TO HIM dont try and be clever by starting up again that is one of the last things you need!

3) BE NICE .. onli ever turn nasty if he does .. never attack onli ever defend no matter how much you feel lyk a mug. you may be angry ..and I FUKIN WAS ASWELL ... but i then came to realise the fact that he probably has NO IDEAAAA that i kno half of the things that i do know  is  GOOD and half the fun is keepin it all secret until the almighty explosion wen you enialate him and all his defences !!!!!!!

... DONT BE FOOLED ... most people think yeahh i wuld lyk to keep it wif as least people as possible and rightly so as most people know that most stories and rumours nowa days get twisted .. HOWEVER it is always good to hav one of his friends close at hand if you need it .. FOR EXAMPLE i had this guy on my msn whom was one of my boyfriends closest friends.. and he was my STRONGEST WEAPON ... as u slowly but surely make this guy feel sorry for you (and u know that OBVIOUSLY he will go and tell ur bf wt u hav sed) , remember all of wt this guy has sed... most bois ..wen they tell their friends about girls they  expect them to keep it to themselves.. bt as i made this guy feel sorry for me i found him tellin me information to try and " help me out "... bless this guy he actually thought he was doing good.. but OH NO he was making my side stronger.. this again is for wen everything comes on top...  ...

boyfriend : yhh so i wana break up wif u

YOU: OH  really  well you need to watch wat u say to your so called "friends" bcos they very slyly hav BIG mouths ..somehow everyfin you told them was relayed to me before you told me..thus informin me of your plans two days before hand.. so now i'm prepared and its wateva !

boyfriend : ** pissed**

if you have just read that and do not understand how that works then think of it like this .. how wuld u feel if u was about to break up wif someone and they told u that your best friend had alreadyyyyyyy told them about ur plans ... therefore enabling them to prepare themselves and get over the upset .. PISSED

ppl say to me all the time .. rachael ! dont let ppl and him no that you are upset... NOOOO THIS IS EXACTLY WT U SHULD DO ... lol .. the more he thinks you are upset .. the more he'll either feel guilty (doubt it but stl a possiblitly) orrrr the more he'll feel lyk he has power .. LOL this is a fabulous position to be in ..because he thinks he has got you righttttttttttt where he wants you .. BUT NO ... lol wen he tries to come at you wif the patronising phrases and the lies (more importantly) .. you can quickly snap back .. (not rudely)..but just enough to let him kno that YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT AND YOU ARE NOT THAT CRUSHED TO BE TAKING BULLSHIT !! ..HE WILL BUCK UP HIS IDEAS AND RE EVALUATE HIS HYPOTHESIS!!!!

another keyyy point in this .. MSN ..msn can make or break u .. lol .. first of all dont try and b immature by changin your screen names to the " breaking heart"  AKA bullocks ... orr secret subliminal messages thats jus bullshit ... wt u do is simply observe ! dont be tooo over eager by constantly talkin to the guy that just dumped you.. the more you leave and observe the more you'll notice his cry for attention.. lol classic sign : signing in and out again and again and again ! .... he is tryin to make you remember him and remind you of him and its PATHETIC bcos this ..instead of remindin me.. just repulsed me and i was thinkin " just  piss off "..

4) DO NOT TRY AND MISLEAD PPL ON MSN ..it never ever ever works : i dont kno if ppl hav realised bt msn is dangerous ppl can quote your exact words ..and they can save conversations so ..if you end up gettin into a web of lies and tryin to mislead ppl ..then you may find urself being bombarded wif things that you hav sed to other ppl ... and you will look stupid...you'll be a hypocrite

HOWEVER there is nooo harm in doin this to other people and especially your bf like i hav probably sed already .. dont hesitate to pull out SOLID ( and i mean undebateable ) quotes on him if he starts to try and quote u .. lol .. wen i say solid i mean it ..there is nufin worse than not being able to remember a quote and then lookin lyk a fool wen u've been corrected ... bad times!! ..so dont get urself in that position!!


... to be continueddd...............

A few weeks after the cinema fiasco, the young couple were slowly but surely escalating and were progress was being made. For obvious reasons, such as certain candidates finding out, they didn’t speak of it in public. Everything that had ‘happened’,(even though I thought nothing did happen), remained a secret and in fact they wanted to forget it.

 

The fact it was a secret added a fire to the lust they felt for each other, or that she felt for him. But it did HAVE to remain a secret not just for theirs but for everyone’s benefit. Nothing would come of it being unveiled into the open.

 

This is what it was, from my perspective; there are types of people in our school. Those that make things happen such as Remi and Kyron there are those that watch things happen such as shinade and karmel and there are those that wonder what happened and those are the people that I have the problems with and I shall elaborate in great depth just to help you out.

 

In this particular scenario, and ever since the one week vacation, everyone’s ears have been buzzing and people like to think that they are minding their own business but truthfully everyone cared. Remi and Kyron were hot gossip and any ounce of information spread like a fire in a petrol station and just like that it hopped from one point to another. From ear to ear alleged tales travelled and regardless of whether they were true or not they would end up public knowledge.

 

People that wonder what has happened are those that know jack SHIT about the situation but decide to get involved and protrude and intervene into other people’s business. Not only that but they are the ones that make up the false rumours just to be the source of the gossip and to have their 10 minute and minuet fame.  

Believe me there were A LOT of those! Imogen was a culprit but she took it the next level! (Well as far as I am concerned) and there is coral AND Becky who is another issue in herself.

 

So as I was saying, they spoke more and more until Ky again made the suggestion of going out again. Remi took more time this time to think it over thoroughly, seeing as the last one was a complete sham!!! Also she didn’t really want to go through yet again another embarrassing and awkward ordeal where she would regretted ever coming out. Nevertheless she went and she did make sure she looked her best however, there was always going to be something to spoil the happiness.

 

FOG IS A FUCKING DEADLY KILLER!.. it does sound extremely trivial however the fog did ruin her hair and reduced it to curls , I don’t think that was the look Rem was going for !

 

She walked up to meet him at the station and it was like in the movies where the girl slowly immerged from the fog to see the guy waiting for her in a three piece suit swinging a pocket watch in his hand. This was nothing like the reality it was more like a girl immerged from the fog extremely pissed at the fact that she had to walk through fog to begin with to greet a guy wearing a tracksuit leaning against a wall and chewing gum violently.

 

Less than amused they hugged again and started off down the street not doing anything in particular but because they were in her area he was expecting her to take him round. But it was a Sunday at about 4 o clock in the afternoon and it was close to raining so there was not much open.

 

It was around Christmas time and so all the Christmas lights glistened through the fog and shone in her eyes. Remi busks, that’s what she does and one of her ambitions was to go carol singing but just to modernise it a little bit, she made him the offer of going to carol sing with her but he didn’t respond very well to the idea of having to sing.

They wondered up and down the streets holding hands and skipping like they were being featured in yet another gay American soap opera.

 

It was then that she received the call from her dad telling her to get her arse in doors.

Filled with utter embarrassment she had to shoo him off and send him on his way by himself. He did reassure her that it was fine, because she kept on apologising,  but deep down you could tell that he felt a bit put out.

 

Remi walked home furious and boiling with anger at her father who was fast grating away at her patience.

 

Action needed to be taken... Soon to avoid this happening again especially when she was with Kyron the one person she couldn’t afford to look a mug in front of.

 

 

 

BAck on the wrong track !!!

Eventually the pair did start talking again and miraculously, it was like nothing had ever happened between them. Although everything was running smoothly it was required, that someone initiated the suggestion for them to meet up.

“ soooooo wanna chill ?”

Obviously, it would be utterly ludicrous for her to decline this offer. So as the two, arranged to go cinema questions started creeping up and standing in her way.

 

Just in case you haven’t realised by now, Remi was the sort of person who thinks about outcomes and scenarios and more importantly consequences. She knew that potentially everything could backfire into her face. Was this a risk she was willing to take? And would there be outrageous repercussions for her actions and choices?  Or was the stakes too high and the price too much to pay when it all goes tits up? Remi was also the kind of person that would never let on that she was secretly analysing every move. Her friends, or at least those that knew her well, knew that she could analyse someone in the space of two seconds and as they would be walking down the street she would say things like “ hot stuff at 2o’clock” .  However, on many occasions she has been proven to be wrong. Was this one of those times?

 

SORTED! The arrangements were as follows: meet at the cinema 2:30, watch film and then wander, it was a great but extremely chancy plan as they run the very high risk of it being a complete catastrophe.

 

Cinema was NOT the most ideal first date in her eyes however time with him was time she had to grab and clutch onto as she knew full well that it could be her first and last.

 

Events didn’t get off to a very promising start when he showed up late , putting her heart in over drive, like her blood pressure was not already boiling with sheer anticipation already. She was petrified that maybe he couldn’t be bothered to come in the end or maybe that he felt sorry for her and decided to ‘duck out ‘sooner rather than later. Which he may have felt to be considerate, but was not to her in the slightest. Her heart was racing, she was beginning to get hot around the collar as more of the questions popped in and out of her head. 

 

Just in the time that she was waiting, one second felt like 5 minutes and although, she did keep on reassuring herself that her phone was fast, her watch was fast and her ipod was fast. Just to make her feel a tad better.

 

He EVENTUALLY showed up after what seemed like hours, but was in fact 10 minutes, and they nervously hugged.

 

It was one of those, cautious “if I initiate will he return” kind of hugs and he did indeed return it. (Much to her surprise). You see Kyron has a certain ‘image’ that he always has and always will try to maintain. The ‘cool. Mr smooth’ personality that would make Remi melt like butter in a furnace. It never occurred to him that maybe him looking ‘uncool’ could be the coolest thing he could do.

 

They sat next to each other once again very nervously and watched the film, which was rather rubbish. However, it didn’t help matters when just across from them were a young couple snogging the pants off of each other in the very public cinema. Slobbering and slurping came from further down the row and his hands were slowly but surely venturing into unguarded territory. Nevertheless, as any other normal person she looked away!

The tension between the two was intense and in fact immense ( I could’ve cut it with my pocket knife that I carry in my back pocket 24/7 for legitimate purposes of course, however it is not MY motives that needed to be questioned it was Kyron’s)

 

Her palms were sweaty and he didn’t quite know what to do with himself, The whole ‘film’ was shit which also added to the depression of the lousy date.

So far, he had done FUCK ALL to prove anything that he had previously said.

 

Afterwards they did wander around and talk, but always about other people and never themselves. If you ever saw them together, they were talking, and laughing you could bet your bottom dollar that it was about something that someone else had said or done. Both were as stubborn as mules and therefore both refused to be the first person to talk about their complicated feelings for each other.

 

IT was a weird relationship what they had, it was no where near lovey and dovey, it was built on a foundation of sarcasm and if  you couldn’t hack it you should get  the fuck out ! Rem was witty and Kyron too and they were on the same page.

 

HOWEVER despite the chemistry being so ‘perfect’ it didn’t stop the date from being a complete shambles from start to finish… things weren’t looking up at all!

Periods of rest.

As the charades carried on for 4 weeks after they got back and while everything was up in the air, she decided that it was in her best interests to stay out of the chaos. 

Besides, Karmel was going through a similiar tragedy of her own, the guy that allegedly 'liked her' dumped her in such an abrasive fashion. So together they took their grief up to burger king and drowned their sorrows in a bag of fruit salads and a bottle of 'blue' sprite.

Awarding the prize pricks for ripping out their hearts, running over them again and again reversing back over it and stomping on it with all their might, proved to be quite easy.  Whether  he came back or not they hated both boys and swore to themselves and each other that no matter what they said, how much they sweet talked them with their smooth like personalities, they wouldnt be fooled or go back to them. Ever. No more talking about, dreaming about either of them. 

This lasted until the end of the day, it was impossible to stay mad at them. However despite the feelings Kyron and Remi still didnt talk for ages and not because she didnt want to but just because they didnt. Simple. This didnt help in the slightest to get him off her mind though. 

Weeks went by, in fact i think months went by and still no change they started parting and slowly but surely moving away. It started off by them going separate ways home. She started catching the 188 and he started ... doing whatever he does to get home.

There were NO intimate encounters.. NO long dream filled msn conversations just a periods of rest followed by ... SILENCE!.

The Aftermath ..

Her life at this point was in turmoil, she came to understand eventually that he wasn't in fact hers to begin with. but this had to change very soon. Whether all the stories from his vacation had just been a myth was still a conundrum that need to be unveiled. Many of those involved were candidates she couldn't simply walk up to and ask about the goings on.

when one has to be 'devious'  it is normally not seen in a very attractive manner and in her pursuit to find the truth it may have to be a look she undertook. She felt that the devious 'image' or in other words the BITCH would be something she would have to comply with. 

Her friends told her versions of the rumours, the secret love triangles and misunderstood love,careless flirting and ongoing increase in vanity by him of course. That in particular became rather unappealing  and tedious to her.One of her best friends Coral had allegedly grown closer to him over the course of this week and therefore she felt that she was omniscient and unprovokingly decided to rub it into her face. Was she trying to make her jealous? or was this her way of proving to herself that someone could actually like her ? 

Imogen was obstacle number two,and despite the vicious contrasting rumours about them one minute tearing apart the seams in each other clothes in a desperate attempt to have sex and the next rude remarks about her having a "5cm gap between her two front teeth making her only good for one thing"

Throughout her constant investigation the same thought always crossed her mind ... was he thinking about her as well or is this just a waste of her time and effort? ...
 

It’s a known theory that it’s always easier to talk about other people lives than our own... Well hers started like this…

 

He was always there... And at first, he was like the guy that everyone spoke about but no one knew that well. She did not think much to his charm and looks. Although she was taken a bit back by the fact, that he called himself by another name.  But to her he was Kyron... Just kyron.

 

As she looked into more of his shady past she began to realise that he knew a lot of people that she did and whether it was a good or bad thing she was unsure and whether she could use this to her advantage remained an enigma to her. For he was character that had many hidden floors yet to be explored.

 

Everyday she gazed at him wondering how on earth she was going to control these emotions that were running through her. He stared back occasionally but looked away again soon after he realised people were noticing. She always used the excuse that it was his contacts she was looking at and whether he bought her lies, was unimportant. He was clever but he did not appear to have the gift of being able to recognise hidden signs and signals. It would have been a real surprise if he knew that she was in fact looking deep into his dark brown eyes for comfort and reassurance of her feelings.

 

Everything changed very abruptly after a one-week vacation did not go according to plan.

He going and she wasn’t and she simply couldn’t restrain her jealousy. We heard many tales of the goings on and her mind was consumed with thoughts of “how the fuck am I going to win him over now!”

 

She wrote what she used to call “hush-hush” notes on her phone... top-secret thoughts, feelings of what had been happening in her life, and at this moment in time it was filled with shit about him, which angered her tremendously... How was this kid taking up so much of her thought time?

 No one was ever close to him though, but she was...And she felt somewhat special because she knew they had something special... And it never occurred to her that there might be a small obstacle waiting for her... in the upcoming weeks…